A Silent Cry
by katdancer
Summary: Christine has Hurt herself under stress and Erik has vowed to take care of her no matter what. A/N I do not like self harm- but i do have that problem, this story was written instead of me hurting myself. No Flames. Rating to be safe. Reviews are Welcome I wasn't intending on making this a story but people have requested I keep going- I'll do my best.
1. Chapter 1

Christine was silent as she made her way down the stairs with her Angel of Music. Usually a girl with many questions was making no point to have any conversation with her teacher at all. This disturbed him a little. He continued their journey, and receiving small answers to the questions he asked of her. Christine was playing with her sleeves and kept pulling at her cloak. Her actions did not go unnoticed, but the Phantom wouldn't inquire, not yet. They reached his lair and began her music lesson. She was distracted but he had no intention of saying anything. So they continued. About an Hour into Christine's lesson she began to falter and her face paled, her fingers gripped the piano. Erik's playing stopped and he was by her side in an instant. But when he gripped her waist she cried out in pain. He loosened his hold and swept her into his arms with a perplexed look on his face. "Christine, what have you done?" he murmured. She started to cry knowing that her secret was found out. Erik took her to her room in his lair and took her cloak from her, he saw the red stains creeping through her bodice of her dress. He then took her hand tenderly and rolled up her sleeve to see a poorly wrapped dressing around her wrists. "Why?" he cried, "Why did you do this Christine, My perfect, beautiful Christine..." His reaction to her self injuries made her cry even more. "Angel, I-I'm S-so Sorry...I - The stress, please don't make me do this anymore, I just want to be with you, sing only for you, Carlotta- hurts me, the managers, hurt me and I can't deal with Madame Giry any more..." She sobbed. Feeling guilty Erik undid the dressings on her arms and pulled open the drawer next to her bed to empty the contents of bandages, alcohol, and a needle and thread. "Christine, he muttered, how deep are the wounds on your sides..." They are bleeding quite a bit and from singing that can't be good. I think they may be too deep. Hesitantly she nodded so he could undo her corset and lifted up her shift to see the cuts. He twisted his face in horror of how could she have done this to herself. He had his own scars but she had been flawless and perfect. She had done this to herself. It pained him to see what had happened. He took a breath and asked, "Christine, I don't have any anesthesia but i do have some chloroform so you won't be awake. these cuts are too deep and need to be stitched." He paused. "Angel, I do not think anything could hurt me as much as you having to put me back together again." Tears continued to fall. "I don't want to cause you any more pain so I will take the chloroform so you don't have to see me suffer." He squeezed her hand gently and whispered. "I will be right back, I love you Christine." Upon returning with the chloroform, Christine smiled a half smile as more tears ran down her face, "I love you too Angel" Erik Lifted the chloroform towel to her face and in a matter of moments Christine saw nothing but darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Christine awoke with a searing pain in her abdomen. Squeezing her eyes tighter she whimpered in pain. Erik, who had stayed with her in a nearby chair next to the bed, sat upright at the small noise that came from the pitiful creature in the bed. He took her hand carefully in his and brushed a stray curl from her face.

"Angel, I hurt, all over." Christine Mewed softly. "Can I have some water?"

Reaching over to her nightstand he took the glass and helped her sit up. "Can you hold the glass on your own?" He released his hold a little when the glass was in her hands, it started to slip again and he brought the cup to her lips for her to drink.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. A tear escaped and Erik put the glass back down and wiped the tear with his thumb.

"No, Christine, this is all my fault. I should have noticed your distress. I could have-"

"Angel, Erik-, No, Its a - so hard to explain, I'm not even sure I know myself why I do this. I just know I don't feel so on edge after." Christine kept looking at her hands that were entwined with his. "Now we both have scars to hide." She mumbled.

"Love, You aren't to return to the Opera for a while," Christine's head shot up, "You need to cope with whatever is going on and I intend to help you no matter how much you don't want to cooperate." Erik explained. "I need you in a perfect physical and emotional state before I put you in front of thousands of people. I need to know - that you're safe." He kissed her palms.

Christine Yawned, "Angel, It hurts, I need something…"

"Anything Christine, I've sent a note to Madame Giry that you are with me. I'll go get some morphine for you so I can re-wrap your- well, injuries. You need to rest some more you look exhausted." He went to the door.

"Erik- "

"Yes, Christine? He waited for her.

"Am I beautiful?"

"How can you ask such a question? Of course you are beautiful! You have always been beautiful, even more gorgeous! You are a perfect Angel."

"Thank you Erik." Tears threatened to fall but she wouldn't let them. Erik left to fetch her some pain killers and more bandages when he heard someone coming across the lake.


	3. Chapter 3

Erik had left me for a while, I was glad to be able to think without any questions. My stomach rumbled loudly. I realized I hadn't eaten in almost 4 days. I was busy preparing for the newest Opera during the weekend and it was now Monday. I was feeling proud of myself for this accomplishment. But I couldn't let Erik know, that would pain him even more.

His assurance that I was perfect did little for me though. They were lies, all of them. The Managers praises and giving me more difficult leads, to Madame Giry, My own mother basically- so proud of my accomplishments. and my Angel, - no I wouldn't even allow those thoughts. The only ones who spoke any words of truth were Carlotta and her shadow Piangi. They were right. I'm not ever going to be the best. Always someone better they say, always someone with higher bloodlines, money and social status. I will only ever be Christine.

* * *

I opened the door to find a very concerned Antoinette with a bundle in her arms.

"Where is she? Is she alright? I will ohhhh-"

"Madame Please, calm down, or I will have to ask you to leave." I took the bundle from her. "Thank you for bringing some of Christine's belongings. She is resting and will be fine. However, I am concerned for her." I paused until Antoinette settled down. "Has she been overly stressed? I am pulling her from her spot in the current opera and we will have to deal with Carlotta until I determine that Christine is fit to be back on the stage."

"Erik, what is the matter with her? She has not been herself as of late and I've made sure the Viscomte De Chagney will not bother you or her until I give him the alright to make visits. Please Monsieur, she is like another daughter to me. May I see her?"

"Madame, I do not know if you realize the fragile state that Christine is currently in, she has managed to harm herself with some sort of sharp blade, I don't know where on earth she found one but she had to have stitches. This morning she also asked me if she was beautiful. But the look in her eyes when I told her how perfect she is was speaking something else to me. She's hurting Antoinette. I do not think a visitor would do her any good right now. Thank you again, I will keep in touch with you, but I will see you to the boat."

* * *

After seeing Antoinette to the boat I made my way back to Christine's room with her belongings and the medication. She was awake but looked like she was going to break any second, when I realized the importance of her question to me before i left.

"Christine?" I had seen some of these crazy ideas in the Ballet Rats when I thought maybe Christine had gotten the idea from her former friends in the Ballet Corps.

"Yes, Angel?" She looked at me with wide eyes.

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?" I raised my visible eyebrow. I watched as her mind went on a race to tell me a lie. the poor girl. "I'm waiting." I said as I poured her morphine into her water. Still no response yet so I moved to the wrappings on her wrist. She hissed in pain when I lightly grazed her wounds. A sigh of relief and she spoke,

"Angel, I can't be what everyone wants me to be!" I could hear the hysteria rising in her voice. " I'm hideous and don't say anything until I'm done! I want to be perfect I can't ever be that way! Carlotta is right about everything she says. I hurt on the inside, my heart hurts Erik and It won't stop. I need the pain to stop. I'm too fat, my hair-ha don't even get me started on that ratty mess. I want to be a good dancer, I want to be a good singer, a good musician-I want-I want- Oh I'm a failure…" She was shaking now and couldn't breathe.

"Christine, my Angel, calm down. Please? For me." I was doing no good from where I was sitting so I moved over to the bed next to her and let her cry. I took her in my arms and let her small frame wracking with sobs to try and calm her. The room was quiet for a while, I looked down to see she had fallen asleep again. I thought back over her rant and noted that she didn't answer my question. I would get my answer, maybe not tonight, but I would get my answer. I put Christine back to bed and went to my kitchen to make a light stew for my angel for when she woke up.

* * *

**A/N I want to thank my lovely reviewers who have told me to keep going with this story. Its so hard when you are basically putting your own experiences into a character. Thank you all! **


	4. Chapter 4

When I finished the stew I proceeded to make my way to my organ in the music room. I still couldn't grasp the reason, why? I decided to work on some music while I waited for Christine to wake up again.

* * *

Erik wasn't there when I woke up. My stomach gurgled and reminded me I still hadn't eaten anything and that I never did give my Angel a answer to the question he asked me. I couldn't let him know. He already knew my one secret, I wouldn't let him know another. It was mine, the only thing I had any control over I wouldn't let them take that from me. I tossed back the bedding and swung my legs around to the edge I didn't want to disturb Erik just so he could make sure I could get to the bathroom.

When I stood up, the room spun and I sat back down for a moment before trying again. I was weak, I felt it. Maybe just an apple would perk me up a bit. I managed to relieve myself without injury, so I proceeded to find and ask Erik if he had any apples. I saw him slumped over his organ asleep. I giggle to myself. Not wanting to wake him I went back to my room only I tripped over my rug and fell with a loud thump and a scream.

"Great Christine, such a klutz, there's no way Erik is still asleep now." I rolled my eyes.

"CHRISTINE?" I heard Erik's footsteps running my direction. "Oh, Christine, what happened? Are you alright?" He asked me as he helped me back to bed.

"I simply tripped over the floor rug, I'm fine." He gave me a credulous look. "I was a little hungry so I went to the kitchen to find some fruit, only I found you asleep instead, so I came back here, fell, and managed to wake you up anyway. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, how is your pain?"

"Better thank you Erik for patching me up." His eyes lit up suddenly.

"You said you were hungry? I made a light stew and bread with cheese if you want it."

"Thank you Angel but I'd rather just have some fruit please, an apple if you have one?" I quieted my voice so maybe he wouldn't push the matter with the stew. I couldn't eat it- I didn't prepare it, I didn't know how much was in it! He looked at me with a pained look on his face but nodded and came back with a bright red apple.

"I'm going to let you choose," He said with a serious tone. " You can eat the apple, But- I want to know when the last time you had a proper meal was."

My stomach growled so loud the Erik gave me one of his disappointed smirks. I needed to eat something and I'd already used the hysterics, I didn't want to cry anymore so I answered him.

"Counting today, Almost 5 days." I whispered and looked at my bandaged wrists. I heard him gasp and leave me. I listened closely to hear him in the next room I heard him getting out bowls and cutlery. I was doomed, I knew it, so I pretended to fall asleep. Only that didn't stop him.

* * *

"Christine, I know you aren't asleep so knock it off." I was furious. I had given her everything and now she was going to listen to me. "A person needs food to live, I didn't expect you to try something like this! This hurts me Christine, but you need to eat. So you are going to eat the stew, bread, and the cheese. You can even have the apple too, But you will eat all of it. If you refuse I will take forceful actions to make sure that you do eat it. I expected so much more from you. I love you Christine, no matter what you look like, or what you do. But this behavior really needs to stop. Do you understand me?" Christine had a blank stare on her face but her eyes spoke all the words for her that she didn't want to hear. The loudest one was fear.

"Erik, I-I can't. I can't eat it all. Its too much, it will hurt me. Angel I want to feel safe. Let me be safe. Please, just the apple"

Her pleas hurt me. I couldn't stand to see her suffer, but she would have to suffer some, it isn't going to be easy and she's going to hate me. But I have to make her see. She has to see she doesn't have to be anyone but herself. I was going to need help, so once again I sent a note to Madame Giry to come help me put some sense into her adopted daughters head.

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**A/N Thank you for all of your support in your reviews and messages. They are received well. I want to apologize for the shortness of my chapters but injuries do not take to typing well. **

**K.R.**


	5. Chapter 5

Erik gave Christine the apple just so she would have something in her system but he left her alone again for a few moments to fetch Madame Giry.

"Antoinette" I knocked on her door in the dormitory. "I need you to get some of your things and come with me. Christine is not at all well."

"Just a moment Erik, I'm coming. Do we need to call on a doctor?" She questioned as she let me in.

"No, I don't think that will be necessary, not yet anyway. We need to get back down to the lair. It makes me feel a little better that she is at least eating a apple. Did you know she had been skipping meals?"

"I knew she missed one every now and again, she claimed she was tired or that you were going to make her dinner after her lessons."

"Then you had no idea she's been starving herself. She hasn't eaten in 5 days!, I fear for her so much. This isn't what I had in mind at all when we promised to make her prima donna. I'm going to need your help to get her fed. She refuses and I could do it alone but it would traumatize the girl more. I can't do that to her." Madame Giry simply nodded her response and the rest of the trip down into the catacombs was silent.

* * *

Erik had told me he would be back shortly that he needed to do something. He left all the food in my room on a tray. I snatched the apple and something caught my eyes. It was shiny, my heart raced, he had left the cheese knife. I was feeling guilty doing this in his home, but I needed it. The numbness the relief. I traded the apple for the knife and rolled up my sleeves….

I was in a state of bliss until the blade was gone from my skin and Erik was shaking me. I had zoned out, then the pain. I could hear my Angel asking me questions in a harsh tone. Was that Madame Giry behind him? I didn't care the pain turned to burning, my face screwed tightly. Thats when everything changed. Erik was soothing me, trying so hard to bring me back to reality. I've disappointed him again. My Angel was doing so much to try and help me. I felt lightheaded and I panicked. My eyes wide my head spinning. Had I cut too deep, or just lost too much blood?

"Angel!," I cried, "Make it stop! Make me safe! I feel so scared."

"Christine, Listen to me carefully," I nodded my head "Deep breaths, the short ones will only put you in a tizy. Like when we sing. Can you do that?"I nodded again then I felt a pair of cool hands on my arm. I saw Madame Giry preparing something to put on my newest scars. I started to calm down and Erik moved himself to sit behind me.

Stroking my hair he whispered in my ear,"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone. When am I going to be able to trust my beautiful Christine?"

I scoffed at his adjective use," I'm anything but beautiful Erik, no one really likes me, so I try my best to please those who tell me what to change. You can't make my scars go away."

"Christine please, We don't understand why you think so low of yourself." he had me calm but not for long. My adopted mother put the ointment on my arm and it burned so much that I cried out in agony. "Shhh, it going to be alright." Erik held me tighter. My inflictions were taken care of and Madame sat in the chair that Erik had previously sat in and spoke.

"Christine Daae, Why all the lies, and the secrets?" I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't want to talk about this. "Do you know what happens to my ballerinas that stop eating? Silence. "They get hurt, and when they get hurt they lose their job, But when they are people who are close to me. They get a lecture and are fed. Strict diets of more than what normal ballet dancers would eat." She glared her eyes at me and I braced myself against Erik's hold on me. "I am going to give you two options. One- you will eat what we put in front of you on your own. Two- If you decide to put up a fight we will restrain you and feed you like a child. You have 5 minutes to decide."

I turned and looked at my Angel and he had a straight business face, but his eyes showed pain, a tear escaped and I brushed it away. Pleading with my own eyes to let me just suffer.

"Christine, Please, just eat. Nothing bad is going to happen if you eat. I promise you." I sniffed.

"I don't think you understand, If I eat I have to escape again. I need that feeling, the rush." I looked at my adopted mother. "I will try to eat on my own. But I can't make any promises."

* * *

**Trrmo77- Thank you so much for your kind words. most of Erik and Madame's dialogue taken from confrontations that I've had to come across.**

**FunnyGirl- Thank you for keeping me strong.**

**To all the others who signed in as guests and reviewed. Your words are so kind - thank you. **

**I am trying to cope but after a slip up- I'm not feeling very confident about beating this thing.**

**KR**


	6. Chapter 6

Erik was still sitting behind me on the bed, Madame Giry was in the chair, and the tray of food in front of me. I didn't have the strength for this. I wanted to fight against the both of them.

"Erik?" He put his chin on my shoulder. "Do I really have to do this?"

"Yes." He whispered in my ear. I took a deep breath and picked up the spoon. Madame raised her eyebrow at me. I had the stew on the spoon and raised it too my lips. I took the first bite, and I couldn't swallow…I did but it was so hard, I wouldn't do it again. Erik gave me a reassuring hug.

"I am so proud of you Christine, you can finish it i know you can." I turned to see his expression and it broke my heart to know how much I was about to hurt him. I put the spoon down and crossed my arms.

"I can't do it Erik, I won't, I'm sorry I just can't deal with this. I can't be the one to do it. I have to fight this or I feel the need to hurt myself. You can have one or the other but I just can't eat this. I'm sorry…so sorry." I tucked my head under his chin waiting for them to yell but nothing. Silence. I felt him move behind me and he took my arms in his. I looked up to see disappointment on his face. Madame Giry took the bowl and spoon to sit next to me on the bed.

"Christine, you made your choice, now you refuse so its our way now. I don't want you to struggle us so the only thing I'm expecting you to do is open your mouth and chew." I nodded solemnly feeling like I was being led to a slaughter. I closed my eyes and let them feed me without a fight. I was feeling horrible but I knew I had to do this in order to get them to leave me alone.

I had finished everything. My stomach hurt and I felt I was going to die I was in so much pain.

"Angel, can I sleep now? I don't feel well can I have something to make me sleep?" I begged him.

* * *

It was a struggle feeling Christine flinch in my arms every time she took a bite. I knew that this was hard on her but needed to be done. She finished the stew and the bread with cheese. I was so proud of my Christine. It wasn't until she asked me for sleeping medication that I was worried.

"Of course you can sleep, but I don't think I should give you anything right now. It could be more harmful than not." I didn't want her anymore depressed than she already was.

"Please Angel I beg you. I will hurt myself if you don't give me anything. I just want peace." She threatened me.

"Antoinette, thank you for being here to help." She nodded, "But I think Christine has had a hard enough day. You can go."

"Thank you Erik for telling me about Christine, I'll come back to check on her. Christine, I expect you to eat again after you rest I don't want to tell the managers about your predicament." Christine managed a nod and a glare for her adopted mother that I had trouble not laughing out loud.

"Rest Christine while I go clean up." I took the dishes to the kitchen as I showed Antoinette out. "Will I see you tomorrow or do you have rehearsals?"

"I have a very long rehearsal tomorrow, but I will try my best to stop by for dinner. I am very pleased that she ate it all. I know it couldn't have been easy."

"She will get better I know she will. She's a fighter and very stubborn however I intend to change her stubbornness to a different point of view. I will make her see that she is wrong and has the willpower to want to be here with us. To hear the music once more and be happy."

When I returned to my angel she was already asleep. So I prepared myself for a tiring next few days

* * *

**A/N I wanted to let you all know your support for this story means so much to me. I have been told by my therapist that I can continue my story as long as Christine lives...because as of before I had no idea what was going to happen to her. I went to my youth group last night and was prayed over, there is now a huge relief today but I don't know if it will last. I may not be updating quite so often just because I don't want my story to trigger me but I couldn't leave you hanging so I updated :) **


	7. Chapter 7

The next few weeks were tiring for everyone,Christine fought, cried, shut down, and even threatened death upon herself but that didn't stop anyone. Christine felt betrayed and hurt so often that one day she got out of bed in search of something to hurt herself with. This ensued often but Erik always had an eye and a ear out for her just in case. Antoinette came down to the catacombs at least once every other day if she could be spared at any rehearsals. The two thought Christine would be stuck in this depressive state forever until one day three weeks later Christine had made her way out of bed and into the kitchen on her own free will. Erik was asleep and didn't hear her make any sound.

* * *

It was still early in the morning when I awoke and my stomach growled. I hated that feeling now. I liked it better before even though now I was able to focus on more things. Erik wouldn't let me have any lessons yet but he would play for me if I promised not to throw any fits. It had taken 2 weeks before I would even hold my utensils on my own. I crept silently past my Angel in his chair and to the kitchen. I wasn't going to eat any of the awful high calorie foods I had been forced to eat, I just wanted one of my safe foods, so I set off to find some. I opened the drawer to get a knife to cut my apple but I dropped it and clattered some dishes onto the floor. I groaned knowing I would be found now. I heard Erik's footsteps coming my way.

"Christine? Are you alright? Whats- Christine I thought we were done with this…" He came and took the knife from me while I looked at him with slight confusion.

"Erik I- I wasn't going to hurt myself I swear!" I didn't want to admit that I had thought that while I was holding it at first but I focused on the task at hand. "I just wanted to cut up an apple…" I mumbled. "I was a little hungry so I came to get something." I said looking at the ground. The next thing I knew I felt Erik's arms around me so tightly that I was unable to breathe. "Erik please, let go, too tight."

"Oh- I'm sorry, I'm just- speechless, happy, proud. So proud of you." He smiled at me with tears in his eyes before hugging me to him again.

"Can I have my apple now?"

"Of course, I'll cut it up for you."

Erik cut up my apple and I got myself a glass of milk to go with it. "Thank you Erik, for everything. Even though I still don't entirely believe you about being perfect, I will try. Try harder to do the right thing. Eating when I don't want to, dealing with overwhelming situations and emotions by not harming myself but rather talking about it. One more thing, I love you." I smiled at him as I took a bite of my apple.

"Christine, This is our first major breakthrough, I think its not going to be as easy as you think right now. Maybe we can have a short lesson if you feel up to it, I'm not going to pressure you to do anything but maybe just a short sing through. I want you onstage for the next production at the Opera but I want to make sure you are able to handle it before we decide anything. And I love you too, so much Christine Daae." He pulled me from my chair and embraced me once more.

I had finished the apple and asked him, "So, can I have that music lesson now?"

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**A/N I don't particularly like this chapter but it brings it to a somewhat happy little possible pick-up or ending for this story. I'm thinking about when I'm feeling better and can accept things like I made Christine do... I may write a sequel or something. We shall see. Thank you to ALL my wonderful uplifting reviewers who still have me in their prayers... Im gonna kick this, I will not today and maybe not 5 days from now. but I want to get better. Thanks for your love! **

**K.R.**


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